as it is

{ to good times, under the huge sequoia trees in yosemite park, California. }

needless to say, i've been hit by a wave of homesickness just by reading my brother's blog. which is the whole reason why i started this post anyways. hahha before i digress, let me just say, Ken Jon can really write. :) yes fatty, if you reading this, please don't kembang and all that. if not i wont recognize you when i see you in May/June. for the lack of things to do (can you believe it?) i've been perusing my list of blogs and and somehow found myself reading his past entries the whole night. a few of them really stuck to me. here's one of them :

"I'm convinced that sufficient amount of prayer puts our hearts in the right position for God to use us. How do you know whether you have prayed enough? "Pray until you are convinced you are in God's presence then stay there until God tells you to stop."

and another of his one liners : "Trust and Obey, for there's no other way." well technically its not really his, hahah taken from a sunday school song if i my memory serves me right. and one more, which he wrote in October - when i read this, it felt like someone was ahead in time and experienced what im experiencing now and wrote it down just for this precise moment. cant help but marvel at God's timing. its mind blowing. oh, and thanks KJ. "It's been an amazing week and It all boils down to praying. I haven't felt lead by God in this manner for a very very long time now, It was mind blowing to experience God's plan for me. From interactions that I was planning on having, to those that were unexpected and turned out magnificently. I'm becoming a fan of sharing the gospel unexpectedly in unexpected situations. God has shown me that it's not about convincing others, but more about telling others about your experience with Him, It has to come from inside, it can't be made up. I can't share unless I've encountered God, and continue encountering Him."

musings

just reading this passage i found on Lex's blog brings a small smile on my face. yes, i guess you can say it a tad over the top in its explanation and there are things i dont agree with - but there is something that caught my eye there. it probably is just me coz i wholeheartedly agree that most couples spend too much time together. Especially if you're relationship is long distance. Are daily checkups and skype calls really necessary? everyday? hmmm, maybe. maybe not. :) i guess my view on this whole LDR-spending-extra-time-with-each-other is pretty lopsided because we've somehow managed to work out our relationship without them. and if you think about it, its not gonna be the amount of time spent as a couple or feelings you feel for each other that is gonna keep you together once you get married. it will be your choice to stay with that other person despite these factors. I am grateful there is a trust between us. and also this space that allows each other to focus on our current separate lives over here and back home. he has his ministry and I have mine. by allowing these ministries (& God) to take priority over our relationship, it clearly allows God to work more effectively through us.

I think it’s great for two people to be together. That is a good number. I think, that to keep it alive though,you can’t spend every day together. It wears out the magic, Love means nothing to me if it’s not fortified with fierce, painful longing, brief explosive instances of furious passion and intimacy and then a sad parting for a time. In that way, you can give your life to it and still have a life of your own. I think some couples spend too much time together. They flatten out the potential for experience by constant closeness. Passion builds over time like steam. Let it rage until it’s exhausted and then leave it alone to let it build up again. Why can’t love be insane and distorted? How can it be vital if it has the same threshold as normal day-to-day experience? Why can’t you write burning letters and let your nocturnal self smolder with desire for one who is not there? Why not let the days before you see her be excruciating and ferment in your mind so on the day you go to the airport to pick her up, you’re nearly sick with anticipation? And then when desire shows the first sign of contentment, throw it back it its cage and let it slowly build itself back into a state of starved fury. Then when you are together, it all matters. So that when you look into her eyes, you lose your balance, so that when she touches you, it feels like you have never been touched before. When she says your name, you think it was she who named you. When she has gone, you bury your face in the pillow to smell her hair and you lie awake at night remembering your face in her neck, her breathing and the amazing smell of her skin. Your eyes go wet because you want her so bad and miss her so much. Now that is worth the miles and the time. That matches the inferno of life. Otherwise you poison each other with your presence day after day as you drag each other through the inevitable mundane aspects of your lives. That is the slow death that I see slapped on faces everywhere I go. It’s part of the world’s sadness that’s more empty than cold, poorly lit rooms in cities of the American night. Henry Rollins

this weekend and the last

there's so much in me that wants to blurt out everything that has happened or is happening. its accumulating, but i'll just keep watch. God is definitely doing something here. and im glad im not the only one who is experiencing it. you hardly come across people who share the same spiritual mindset, spur you on, keep you accountable, and most importantly, able to pray with you. and when you find friends like these, you know they are a keeper.
things to take note of: 1. if you're asking for consuming fire, there needs to be sacrifices for the fire to consume. 2. fire transforms and changes everything it touches. 3. work is prayer. and prayer is work. being a christian is a full time job. 4. if you really call Him God, then its not about your rights anymore.

meet Efosa

we had a weekend of late nights and sleepovers. one involving 3 desserts of extremely high sugar counts, which gets efosa really really going. like dancing on chairs sort of going. hahaha it took a while to get to know the girls, but looking back, im so grateful we go to know each other. them african sisters really bring out my crazy loud side (which i looooveee) - specially when it comes to dancing. oh mai days, you should see how they've taught me to wiggle and shimmy and do the leg skank. im offiically a blackenese. hahaha a word invented by miss Bertha Banda. i leave you here with some shots of Efosa, who tho looking very docile and shy in these pictures is actually the total opposite of them. this girl adds joy to our lives. she really does.