its been a struggle recently. to suppress emotions that i know wont lead to anything good. why has jealousy so easily become part of me lately? Lord I need to keep close to You. else it will be too easy to fall away.

i edited this post with the intention to keep it private. but after writing it all down im beginning to realize why i would have liked this to be kept private. because there is this fear. a fear that after all that has happened, and all this while, i remain unchanged. God, I pray, please let this not be. If you have caused me to realized this, then please please i plead, not let me be the same person i was before.